Potty Animal

I didn't set out to be the mom that pushes her child unecessarily. But it still happened anyway. This is a particularly disappointing turn of events for myself because I actually prided myself for not being uptight about all of the milestones that kids go through in baby/preschool years. Of course, now looking at myself objectively, I realize that I was deluding myself. I am pretty much a perfectionist-type A-stressball all the way.

I decided that we would engage in the Great Potty Experiment because Mountain Child was showing all of the signs of potty readiness according to the wise authors of What to Expect In the Toddler Years. Aware of bodily functions? Check. Letting you know when she pees or poops? Check. Interested in what you do on potty? Unfortunately--check. I waited until she exhibited all the signs before I even considered the big Going Shopping for the Potty Trip.

The book suggested that I allow Mountain Child to go with me to pick out the potty. But the book apparently doesn't really have to parent a two-year old and experience all of the joys of a Target meltdown over something as stupid as walking past the popcorn or book aisle. No, I would go at it alone. I wandered up and down the potty aisle of Target (I never in a million years would have even considered that as a primary destination until Mountain Child came along) and marveled at all of the potty choices there were. There were choo-choo train potties, princess potties, potties that sing and light up when your...stuff goes in, and on and on and on. Frankly, I was mortified. This was capitalism at its lowest. I mean, since when did a kid's crap become such a industry? I just wanted the simplest, cheapest potty I could find. Making a Broadway production out of taking a poop just didn't seem right to me. I finally found one that wasn't 30+ dollars and didn't look like it belonged in a mental institution. It was a cute one in the shape of a froggy. There. A nice balance between potty-time fun and getting your business done.

The book also suggested that we read books and videos in order to get your child into the mode of pottying. So, for good measure, I throw in Elmo's Potty video and set home. Oh, yes, and the Pull-Ups. It was beginnig to get expensive.

Anyway, I brought home the potty and showed it to Mountain Child. I even sat on it myself to show her what it looked like. The book suggested that you also allow your child to decorate the potty with their own stickers and stuff--but I skipped that. I just think that we should have a more accurate picture of what a potty does, and the sticker thing just seemed a little unsanitary. Besides, my husband was at this point totally freaked out by the froggy potty as it was. He about had a heart attack when he saw it early in the morning. He claimed that it was giving him the evil eye.

The book pointed out that I needed to make sure that my child was comfortable with the potty and to make it a welcome member of our household. Mountain Child went a step further: she thought it made a fantastic toy and decided that was her new play spot. She brought her toys and books in there and sat on the thing for at least a half hour, singing and chattering while parked on the potty. On top of that, she loved the Elmo video and talked about it nonstop. Things were going so by the book, I decided that potty training would be easy.

I learned in my book that I needed to ease my child into the idea of potty training and explain to her what she should do. After a week or so of playing with the potty chair with her pants on, I then put the Pull-Ups on her and explained to her that she was going to be like Elmo and mommy and put her pee pee and poo poo in the potty. She would have to sit down with her pants and diaper off to do it. If she did it, I would give her jellybeans. As exciting thought as this was to her, she completely freaked out when I went to help her pull down her pants--which, by the way, she is pro at and usually does at the most inopportune time.

Okay, so the book didn't mention this. I decided to table the issue until bathtime when Mountain Child would be naked anyway. But when bathtime rolled around she gleefully took off her clothes, did a few naked laps around the bathroom, and proceded to scream when I tried to steer her onto the potty. She got so worked up that I had to give up the bathtime altogether and put her straight to bed.

So Mountain Child clearly is not ready to potty train. And I have decided that these books on pottying are definitely not to be counted on.